the enormity of the world
by displayheartcode
Summary: At Shell Cottage during the war, Halley has some time to think. [Gender AU - F/F]


**a/n:** Here's a fic written somewhat out of spite. The concept is from my romantic blob of a heart, and the philosophical musings and the title from Talmudic texts like Pirkei Avot ("You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from it.").

The AU is one I have written before (with nearly everyone being girls) in many variations, and all can be found on my profile.

Please support your local undergrad student by leaving reviews for her unedited fics.

 **Disclaimer** : _Ha._ Nice.

 **Title** : the enormity of the world

 **Words** : 1K

 **Summary** : At Shell Cottage during the war, Halley has some time to think. Gender AU.

* * *

The sea-salt air stung at Halley's face. She drew her knees up to her chest, eyes closed as she listened to the roar of the water below crashing onto rocks and the narrow strip of shore. Above, nightfall slowly took over the blue sky, pale stars appearing in the edges of the horizon. In the short distance behind her, the occupants of Shell Cottage were continuing their strange new routine as they waited for Beatrice's return from her great-aunt Muriel's. They had quietly abandoned the start of dinner, finding ways to pass the time and to keep their fears at bay.

 _What am I doing?_ It had only been several weeks since their escape from Malfoy Manor, and Halley felt more adrift than she had in the Forest of Dean. She opened her eyes and stared at Dobby's grave, feeling the constant ebb and flow of the sea anchored to her. She thought of their plans, what was left of the Order, the dark, gaping awe of her future that was encroaching further.

 _The snake…the diadem…the cup…_ There had to be more out there, and they all obviously weren't going to be hidden in Bellatrix's vault.

"Do you think this is going to work?" Halley asked. Her voice was lost in the roar of the sea. "Dobby, am I doing the right thing?"

She tried to think of Hallows and Horcruxes, but all she could see was the fear, all the horrors that have yet to come. Then the fear that already exist in the real dangers of the laws that restricted Lupin's life, the cold smile Lucius had when he had manipulated the Board of Governors, the second-class treatment Hermione faced and more.

The Wizarding World had been such a place of whimsy and enchantment when Halley had first received her letter, but now she knew it was like any other place in the world with just as many divisions and secrets.

Maybe their plan to rob Gringotts wasn't going to work, maybe Voldemort had more Horcruxes hiding somewhere, maybe she wasn't going to make it out of the war alive, but Halley was determined to leave some kind of mark. Anything to cause a fracture in the cycle of fear and hatred.

Halley stood up. An angry, righteous fire kindled to life in her heart as she walked back to Shell Cottage, night falling around her like a cloak, and a steady wind started to come to life.

 _You do care,_ Dumbledore had told her what felt like lifetimes ago. _You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it._

 _she will have power the Dark Lord knows not…_ Mercy, love, friendship…the power for either their destruction or salvation…

Halley stood at the front door to gather herself before entering. She rubbed the lenses of her glasses clean on the hem of her flannel shirt, wiped away the tears from her face, and reached out for the doorknob as she suddenly heard a cacophony of noises coming from inside the cottage.

Automatically pulling her wand from the pocket of her jeans, Halley slammed the door open with her shoulder, expecting to see the green light of the Dark Mark in the air and bodies on the floor–

But instead there was a celebration before her. Greying in hair but alight in face, Lupin's expression was so full of awe that Halley saw what he could have looked like if he had never received the bite. Crowded around the table with him was Rory and Hermione pressing him with questions, a picture passing from Dean to Luna, and Fleur and Beatrice (having returned with Lupin) pouring Elf-made wine into small glasses for everyone to have.

And there was Ginny. She sat on the other end of the table, twisting a long piece of her hair around a finger, her face just as bright as everyone's with the news.

All of the breath was knocked out of Halley's lungs. She put her hand against the doorframe to steady herself. The shock of such a scene nearly overwhelmed her after the quiet of being outside by the water. "What?"

"It's a boy!" Rory said in a rush before anyone could answer. Tall enough, she gave Lupin a congratulatory clap on his thin shoulder. "Say something to the man already."

Hermione's laugh rang bright and true. "Don't overwhelm him. He can hardly stand!"

Halley turned from Ginny to him. "A boy?" she asked.

"A boy," Lupin confirmed with a smile so wide it nearly cracked his face in two. "His name is Ted –after Dora's father and we –" He swept Halley up in a sudden hug. "–want you to be the godmother!" he said, releasing her.

Now it was Halley's turn to be overwhelmed. She was ecstatic, stunned, terrified, and could only splutter a reply as a glass of wine was placed into her hands. The liquid sloshed over the rim. "Pick someone else!"

"I told you she was going to react like that," said Ginny when she moved over to join them. She pointedly looked at Lupin. Her gaze slid over to Halley, and she was rooted to the spot by the sight of her brown eyes and freckled smile.

 _Oh,_ Halley's heart went. _Oh_ , at seeing Lupin's face, hearing Rory and Hermione's voices join the others in their well wishes, with Ginny standing so close… _Oh_.

They toasted to the start of Teddy Remus Lupin's life. Such joy eclipsed the fear that had lurked in their hearts only an hour ago, and they were allowed to be happy despite of everything that had happened and what was to come. Luna managed to find leftover cake from the other day, and more wine was poured as the conversation twisted and turned to share other moments of celebration. Talks of daring rescues in Death Eater territories, heroics with loved ones being reunited, the genuine feeling of the tide being turned and there was _hope_.

They moved their party to the living room. Rory and Hermione were sharing a loveseat, Rory had an arm slung around Hermione's shoulder, her face pressed against the other girl's hair. Dean was recounting his own adventures with Lupin, his dark hands flying over a piece of parchment as he wrote out necessary information. Beatrice and Fleur were sharing loving looks, only partially paying attention to Luna's rambling about Teddy's future in his astrological sign, and Ginny was standing next to Halley.

"Here." She passed the picture over to Halley. Being no expert on how babies were, Halley wasn't initially sure what to make of the red-faced, fair-haired thing that had more in common with the garden variety mandrake. But there was something about his roots quickly going dark, the innocence in his watery grey eyes…

This baby was now Halley's responsibility. She looked up and saw the celebration, feeling more like she was watching her loved ones at a great distance. They were so _happy_ , the shackles of war thrown off temporarily before their own fears could creep back. The scar on her forehead resumed its dull ache.

 _A baby._ Who would have a baby during a war? Halley's heart turned hollow as she thought of her parents.

"Terrifying, isn't he?" Ginny muttered in her ear, her voice anchoring Halley back to reality. "And I saw it _all_ happen. One moment Tonks was helping me annoy Muriel then he came into the world screaming like a banshee. We all fell in love instantly."

Halley looked up, watching Lupin and not recalling a time he looked so free and joyful. "I think life can be like that."

Ginny reached up to tuck a wayward piece of Halley's hair behind her ear, her touch lingering to cup the side of Halley's face. "And your life?"

In a world that felt enormous with the weight of the world on her shoulders, Halley covered Ginny's hand with her own. If Remus could allow himself a moment of happiness, then why not her? "I'll tell you," she promised.

And without the need to speak further, Halley lead Ginny to a quiet section of the cottage.

They could have this.


End file.
